I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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