Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
