i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
