I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
