We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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