Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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