She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Let's paint friendship bongs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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