dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
