put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Terrible idea I love it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
