it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
