Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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