Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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