this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
