dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
