i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
