After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
