They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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