but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize