no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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