I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
