ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
