How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
