Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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