There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
