but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize