Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
