I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
