I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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