come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
