so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Be still, my beating vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
