You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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