C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
