problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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