SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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