Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
