smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
