he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
