I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
