So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
