member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You're earring is so big in my mouth
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize