i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
