I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
