i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
