I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
