i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
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