well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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