you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
