also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
