I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Randomize
