Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
