Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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