ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
