Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
