the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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