I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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