I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
