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people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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