did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
