yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
