he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize