We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
