i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just found puke in my bra..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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