I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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