we made out on top of his cat.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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