If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
