I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
