I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
