I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
