I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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