And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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