Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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