i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
