mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
