i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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