I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize