It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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