i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
