he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
