I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
