There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize