Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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