I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
