In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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