Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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