shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
