And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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