i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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