Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ttyl tear gas
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
