That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize