you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
