i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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