How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
