I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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