Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
