remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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