all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize