you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
