I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
